The victim of Bullying at school: signs and symptoms

If you're a parent concerned about bullying, it's important to recognize the signs of one who is being victimized.
Ten percent of children could be considered extreme victims who have been the victim of bullies at least once a week for a long period of time. These children are often considered younger, weaker, or sicker by their peers. Victims are just as likely to be boys as girls. They often report strong fears or dislike of going to school. These children often report closer feelings to parents and siblings, but whether this causes them to be victims or is simply how they cope with being bullied is unclear. Being labeled a victim is likely to follow children around from year to year. Most extreme victims report having few or no friends and being alone at recess and lunch.

The victim: signs and symptoms

A child who is a victim of bullying may display one or more of the following behaviors at home*:

* Comes home from school with clothing that's torn or in disarray, or with damaged books.
* Has bruises, cuts, and scratches, but can't give a logical explanation for how he got them.
* Appears afraid or reluctant to go to school in the morning, complaining repeatedly of headaches or stomach pains.
* Chooses an "illogical" route for going to and from school.
* Has bad dreams or cries in his sleep.
* Loses interest in school work, and his grades suffer. If your child normally struggles in school because of a learning disability and is teased about having LD, school may become unbearable for him.
* Appears sad or depressed, or shows unexpected mood shifts, irritability, and sudden outbursts of temper.
* Requests money from you to meet the bully's demands and might even resort to stealing money from you or other family members.
* Seems socially isolated, with few — if any — real friends; is rarely invited to parties or to the homes of other kids. His fear of rejection may lead him to shun others.

Source-http://www.greatschools.org

What you should know about bullies (article)

What you should know about bullies:

1. Bullies come in all ages, sizes, races, religions, and in both genders.
2. Bullies use many tactics to threaten and harass people including, but not limited to, words and physical violence.

3. People who behave in openly hostile behavior, who threaten others to make themselves feel powerful, or who build themselves up by tearing others down are bullies.

4. Girls are more likely to bully with words while boys most often resort to physical attacks. For this reason bullying by girls is often ignored or not taken as seriously as bullying by boys. The reality is that both types of bullying are very serious.

5. Words can be just as harmful as physical violence and can cause lasting psychological damage to victims. The old adage, "Sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you!" is simply not true

6. Bullies often model what they see at home. Sometimes a bully is really crying out for help. Bullies often act out because they feel they have no control over their own lives; they bully in an attempt to take control. Telling an adult about a bully may end up helping BOTH of you.

7. Ignoring bullies does not make them stop. Only adult intervention and awareness can end the harassment. Bullies thrive on the reactions of their victims and ignoring them can make them step up their efforts. However, if you tell an adult and then start ignoring the bullying behavior the bully will tend to back off. Only start ignoring the behavior after you have made as many adults as possible aware of the problem.

8. As children grow in to teens bullying behaviors often escalate. Death threats, taunts urging suicide, group attacks, and violence with weapons can occur. This sort if behavior is criminal and should always be reported to the police as well as to school officials and parents.

Also:

* They like embarrassing or hurting people.
* They are often not confident people themselves, which is why they pick on others. They often are not happy people and have more problems than the people they pick on!

* They feel better about themselves if they can make others feel worse.

* Many experts believe that bullies have learned to bully because they have been bullied themselves in the past, maybe in their homes, outside or at school. (But even if you are bullied, you have a choice what to do - you don't have to turn into a bully).

* Some people join in or go along with the bullying of others to save themselves from being bullied.
* Bullies often work in groups, because it is easy for them to make excuses when they are caught [eg. "I didn't start it..." "I was just there..." "He [the victim] started it and I was just helping my friend".]

Bullying is only successful if people don't do anything about it.

Source -http://teenadvice.about.com ,http://www.cyh.com

Bullied because of their size (story)

It seems as if we can't open a magazine without seeing either a super skinny celebrity in a bikini or someone with a few more curves just as scantily clad.

Whether the magazine is celebrating their figure or slating it usually depends on what week it is.

We talk to two n2k readers who were bullied because of their size.

Katie, 17, has always been on the larger side compared to other girls her age. "I've always been tubby," she says, "it's just the way I'm made.

When I was at primary school I wasn't fat or anything, but had a round face and chubby cheeks, so probably looked bigger than I was. Nobody really mentioned it that much; it was at secondary school that the name calling started.
When joining her new school and meeting new people, Katie got the feeling that she wasn't fitting in.

"It didn't seem to be fair. Loads of other girls would get the same as me from the school shop at break but never seemed to put on any weight. I was too embarrassed to do any sport because of my size and I just couldn't think how to lose weight."

Katie found herself the subject of ridicule by both boys and girls. "It was the usual names of Fatty and a few ruder ones. I used to run home feeling depressed and cry. To make myself feel better I'd turn to food which, of course, was a mistake because I got bigger."
Do it for you

Eventually, Katie decided to do something about it, but insists that the bullies didn't force her into her decision. "Although I was upset at being bullied, that's not why I decided to go to a dietician," she tells us.
"I noticed how out of breath I was getting and that I couldn't find any decent clothes. Clothes shops do go up to plus sizes but they just didn't look right on me and made me look older. I knew that I'd feel better if I looked better."

Now Katie's at college and has left the bullies behind. "I think that the bullies were just immature," she says, "now I'm at college everyone is more mature and although I'm still getting fit at the college gym, nobody has commented on my size once. You've got to do it for you, nobody else."

Jack, 18, was also bullied because of his weight- because he was skinny. "Everyone thinks that it's only fat people who get picked on," he says, "but that's not true at all. I have always been naturally skinny; it seems to run in my family."
No chance

Jack began to feel inferior next to the other boys at school and he reckons this is where the problems started. "I think once a bully senses you feel insecure, they play on it.
They'd call me a wimp and during sports lessons would make a real effort to bump into me or jump on me in some way. When you're skinny and rubbish at sport, you've no chance."
Learn acceptance

It seemed that no matter what he did, Jack couldn't gain weight. "I tried all sorts like eating junk food or snacking all the time, but I was probably doing myself more harm than good.
I realised the only way to beat the bullies was to act more confident and not let their childish names hurt me. I think once you learn to accept you for who you are, you've got them beaten!"

Source -http://www.need2know.co.uk

Bullying - video

People who have been bullied at work - Christie's story

Christie used to work for a big company. In her office, there was a manager who was renowned for her temper tantrums and completely hostile behaviour if she was in a "bad mood."

The manager would purposely withhold information from her staff, and if a decision was made that was not to her liking, she would punish those who supported the decision by not talking to them and by rallying other managers against them.

The manager was extremely petty, resorting to childish acts like simply not responding to any requests for help or information from people she didn't like or agree with and by blatantly excluding individuals on both a business level and person level. Christie felt more like she was back in school than being part of the team of staff.

Christie's senior manager was repeatedly made aware of the situation by various members of the staff, and while he tried to set examples for the manager in question and tried to speak with her on occasion, it never made any difference. It was extremely difficult for Christie to deal with this behaviour on a daily basis and resulted in even more stress, when her job was already stressful enough.

Christie's environment was extremely unhealthy and depressing and she was overjoyed when she was finally able to resign and move on from that company, and it was due in large part to the bully of a manager with who she had to work.

Source -http://www.need2know.co.uk

Bullying girls (article)

So you know that bullying is generally a bad thing. It stinks to be picked on, and bullies can provoke violent reprisals. But do you really know how to recognize bullying or how to prevent it?

Bullying, particularly among teenage girls, is harder to recognize because girls are more likely to bully through gossip, backstabbing and controlling friendships.

You've probably seen it at your school: girls being excluded from lunch tables, cliques or conversations; girls who make 'rules' for their friends - like what to wear and who to talk to; and girls who spread rumors about their former best friend

"While boys are likely to bully strangers, girls frequently attack within their group of friends," Rachel Simmons, the author of Odd Girls Out, told the New York Times Magazine.

Girls have traditionally been thought of as of less competitive and aggressive than guys, but, according to several new books, this is no longer true. Girls are more likely to engage in "relational aggression" meaning cattiness, meanness, and nastiness within a group of friends.

Amy Weisman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, told the New York Times Magazine that teens need to "take responsibility for how they treat each other and develop strategies to interrupt the cycle of gossip, exclusivity and reputations."

Source-http://www.youthnoise.com

Tragedy turns glare on work bullies (article)

AMONG the many stomach-turning aspects of the workplace ordeal that ended with the 2006 suicide of 19-year-old Brodie Panlock was the cheerful, suburban setting. She was not subjected to what magistrate Peter Lauritsen described as ''persistent and vicious'' bullying in the military, say, or in high school or in other contexts in which incidents of this sort usually surface, but in Hawthorn's Cafe Vamp, where she worked as a waitress and sandwich hand.

This is where cafe owner Marc Da Cruz allowed Nicholas Smallwood, Rhys MacAlpine and, to a lesser extent, Gabriel Toomey to torment Panlock, later dismissing what had transpired as ''just a boyfriend, girlfriend type of thing''.

This week's Melbourne Magistrates Court ruling, imposing a hefty $335,000 in fines on the three staff, the cafe owner and his company Map Foundation, sends an unambiguous message about the nature and gravity of workplace bullying. It is also, sadly and somewhat surprisingly, a message that needs amplifying.

Only last month, a draft report of the Productivity Commission found 2.5 million Australians experienced some aspect of bullying during their working lives. The report estimated the annual economic cost of such ''psycho-social hazards'', measured in terms of absenteeism and poor performance, at nearly $15 billion. It also found that workplace bullying was not explicitly addressed in occupational health and safety laws. South Australia is the only state that mentions inappropriate behaviour in its legislation, while only Western Australia and Queensland have codes of practice on how to detect and manage bullying. Small businesses, seeking clarity about their responsibilities, might be particularly well served with the latter. In any event, WorkSafe Victoria should consider an advertising campaign that stresses the illegality of bullying across all occupations and age groups. In time, an absence of workplace harassment should be as obvious an imperative as protective clothing and safety equipment.

This tragic case will no doubt send a shudder through small business employers and employees. These businesses, which don't have human resources departments to develop anti-bullying protocols, need to have an urgent discussion about how to detect and tackle toxic conduct in the workplace. As the slogan goes, workplace safety is everyone's responsibility; complacency is simply no longer an option.

Source -http://www.smh.com.au

I am being bullied by my boss - story by one employee

Well in short, my boss has been bullying me for quite a while now and I think that another
co-worker has something to do with it.
She has never liked me and has gone out of her way to get me in trouble with our boss.
I have been nothing but nice with this woman so I do not understand why she doesn't like me.
My boss always takes her side and there are never any consequences for this particular employee.
I work in a small office where I am the office manager and there are two other employees.
The receptionist and the executive assistant to the President of the company. I basically have the title but not the power to do anything here. I am constantly criticized and he sends me the most rude and nasty emails. I am basically scared to open my email every morning. Wondering if again he sent me one of those mean emails. To top it off, I was excluded from a Christmas bonus for two years in a row. I do not understand why. It seems like he has something personal against me. I am a good employee, always working hard and on top of things in the office. My receptionist likes me and doesn't understand why I am treated so poorly.
I am sure there are a lot of other people dealing with the same issue. It is so stressful to work in this type of environment. It's very hostile and you can feel the tension as soon as you walk in the door. Fortunately I have an opportunity to be able to leave this job soon and I am very fortunate for that. Unfortunately the receptionist will now be dealing with all of this when I leave. She hates the thought of it so she's looking for another job.

Source -http://www.jobschmob.com/

Bullying at work - video

My Daughter Is Being Bullied - story by User

M y daughter started working for a well known international company at 16, she has changed from an outgoing happy go lucky girl into a depressed stress head. It turns out she is being constantly bullied at work by 3 colleagues who are making her life hell. She has reported these people on numerous occasions but very little has been done not even verbal warnings issued.

A few of the things done to her:

- Her mobile phone was taken out of her locker and lewd text messages sent to her boyfriend.

- She went into the stockroom and a male member of staff came out from one of the aisles with his trousers and boxer shorts round his ankles and his hands over his genitals.

-She has been persistently called fat and stupid in front of customers

Every day she is ridiculed, I picked her up today to find her upset again, so I went into the store and spoke to the manager which is something I would have done long ago is I had known the full extent of the situation.

Hopefully this situation is going to be resolved tomorrow but if not she is going to have to resign as I can't bear for her to keep going through this.

My Boss Was a Bully (video-story)

Everyone has heard of the school bully, but just like the rest of us, bullies grow up and get jobs.

- for watching please click the title-link

The Facts About Bullying

The Facts About Bullying (by Michele Borba)

Bullying among our youth is a significant problem--and it is steadily increasing. Many experts fear bullying has become so widespread and common, adults are blinded to its extensive harm. Here are the facts:

* It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students. Source: National Education Association.

* A survey conducted by the American Association of University Women reported that 85% of girls and 76% of boys have been sexually harassed in some form and only 18% of those incidents were perpetrated by an adults.
Young bullies carry a one-in-four chance of having a criminal record by age 30. Study by Leonard Eron and Rowell Huesman.

* American schools harbor approximately 2.1 million bullies and 2.7 million of their victims. Dan Olweus, National School Safety Center.

* One in seven students is either a bully or victim.

* 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school.

* 15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school.

* 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.

* One out of 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.

* Mean behavior among kids is a universal problem. In a poll of 232 kids in kindergarten through 8th grade at a Connecticut elementary school, every child claimed to have been the victim of at least one schoolmate’s or sibling’s meanness in the previous month.

BULLYING MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. TOO MANY CHILDREN ARE
BEING EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY INJURED DUE TO MEANNESS.

Bullying statistics

SCHOOL BULLYING STATISTICS

* Thirty percent (30%) of U.S. students in grades six through ten are involved in moderate or frequent bullying — as bullies, as victims, or as both — according to the results of the first national school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics survey on this subject.
* School bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics are increasingly viewed as an important contributor to youth violence, including homicide and suicide. Case studies of the shooting at Colombine High School and other U.S. schools have suggested that bullying was a factor in many of the incidents.

RECENT SCHOOL BULLYING STATISTICS SHOW THAT:

* 1 out of 4 kids is Bullied. An American Justice Department school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics studies shows that this month 1 out of every 4 kids will be abused by another youth.
* School bullying statistics surveys show that 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically. Cyber bullying statistic are rapidly approaching similar numbers.
* In a recent school bullying statistics study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied. And 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse. Many have tried to stop cyber bullying according to cyber bullying statistics.
* 1 out of 5 kids on a school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics study admit to being a bully, or doing some “Bullying.”
* Each day 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied.
* A school bullying statistics reveals that 43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
* 100,000 students carry a gun to school.
* 28% of youths who carry weapons have witnessed violence at home.
* A school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics poll of teens ages 12-17 proved that they think violence increased at their schools.
* The same school bullying statictics and cyber bullying statistics poll also showed that 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.
* More youth violence occurs on school grounds as opposed to on the way to school.
* Playground school bullying statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention - 4%. Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.

ACCORDING TO THE BUREAU OF JUSTICE SCHOOL BULLYING STATISTICS AND CYBER BULLYING STATISTICS - School Crime and Safety:

* 46% of males, and 26% of females reported they had been in physical fights according to the school bullying statistics.
* The school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics indicated that those in the lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in the higher grades. However, there is a lower rate of serious violent crimes in the elementary level than in the middle or high schools.
* The school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics went on to say that teenagers say revenge is the strongest motivation for school shootings
o — 87% said shootings are motivated by a desire to “get back at those who have hurt them.”
o — 86% said, “other kids picking on them, making fun of them or bullying them” causes teenagers to turn to lethal violence in the schools.
* Students recognize that being a victim of abuse at home or witnessing others being abused at home may cause violence in school according to recent school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics.
o — 61% said students shoot others because they have been victims of physical abuse at home.
o — 54% said witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school.
* The school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics showed that students say their schools are not safe.

The source -http://www.how-to-stop-bullying.com

some real bullying stories by Internet users

Nikki - "When my son Trevor was 14yrs. old he was bullied by kids on his football team. He ended up quitting even though football was his life. He was on the J.V. team and the Varsity coach came to him and asked him not to give up on his dreams because of a few bad kids. He talked to both teams and told them that bulling was not going to be tolerated and if it kept going he was going to kick them off the team. They quit doing it on the field but I guess kept it up during school. On November 1, 2006 I went to town and got a call from emergency dispatch saying there was an emergency at home and I was needed there. I thought my daughter who was 16 yrs. old at the time had hurt herself because she was starting dinner for me. When I arrived home I was informed that my son had taken his life. I had no warnings or signs because when I left 30 minutes before that he was his normal happy self and gave me a hug and said he loved me before I left. My son would have been 17 yrs. old yesterday on March 19th and it was a tough day. I am working on term paper about bulling and how it effects kids. If you have any other good places for me to look please let me know. I feel this is a major problem and I don't want any other parents to ever have to go through what I did."
Blogger Hummy said...

Hummy - " Neighbor found my son on the ground yesterday being kicked, by a older boy. He only recalls a boy he knows as a friend of a friend's older brother was walking with him and other friends. They were play wrestling like those boys often have done,(never hurting each other). This boy started to hurt him he told him to stop, but he did not. He grabbed the boy's hair trying to get loose of neck hold accidently knocking that boy's backpack down, in puddle. Last thin recalls before a neighbor helping him into truck was being jumped from behind and loosing balance. He had hand prints on his neck, some bruises, and bumps on head. Hospital visit and CAT-Scan, results no serious head injury. Police report filed but told nothing likely to be done as "No Serious Injuries". I am gathering information, as very thankful yet scared. Need more information then would be good idea to enroll son in self defense. Yes plan to and pray he will stay safe....

and there are even more the same stories....

Sad story of bullying gone bad...

A Schoolboy hanged himself using his favourite football team scarf after complaining that he was being persecuted on the bus ride home from lessons.
Paul Moran, 13, would sometimes arrive in tears, his hair and clothes covered with food and drink thrown by other pupils, his mother said yesterday.
On one occasion his beloved Liverpool FC bag was ripped and on another he was even thrown down stairs, Carole Moran added.
Finally, after speaking about suicide to friends, the "sensitive and caring" teenager's mother found him suspended from his metal bunk bed with his Liverpool scarf, facing a poster of his favourite team.
In a further tragedy, a girl from the same school, Jenny Sykes, also 13, hanged herself eight months later after apparently becoming depressed over his death.
Detectives investigating the schoolgirl's death took away her computer after fears that she visited suicide chatrooms before killing herself.

Yesterday an inquest into Paul's death in Blackpool, Lancashire, heard that his mother had complained three times to staff at Lytham St Annes High School that he was being bullied.
Mrs Moran, 45, told the hearing: "One day he came home covered in eggs and flour and crying his eyes out. He could not understand why he was being picked on and kept saying 'Why me, why me?'.
"They even tore his Liverpool football bag which upset him. The school bus stop was right outside our house but often he would get off a few stops earlier to avoid more trouble."
One day he was pushed out of his seat on the top deck and thrown down the stairs, and on another his boots were thrown off the bus, she said.

He started avoiding the upper deck after his earring was ripped out but could still hear bullies shouting abuse at him from upstairs, and on one occasion a girl spat at him and shoved a banana in his face.
She added that his older brother Steven, 23, had offered to speak to the bullies, but Paul feared that would only make things worse.

On November 27 last year, a Sunday, just hours after he had been looking at a Christmas catalogue with his mother, his six-year-old sister, Courtney, found him hanging in his room.
She fetched their mother who dialled 999 but paramedics were unable to save him.
Following his death, police took 23 statements from other children at the school and discovered he had spoken to friends about suicide.

But although they found some evidence of bullying, there was nothing that would justify criminal action.
At yesterday's hearing, school headteacher Phillip Wood said teachers had investigated allegations that Paul had been covered in food but found he was not the only one because there had been a "food fight" on the bus.
He added: "I do not think it was aimed at Paul uniquely. The problem is that what is high spirits to some children can appear to be bullying to others."

The school had a strict anti-bullying policy which had been updated since Paul's death, he added.
Coroner Anne Hind said Paul may have been worried because the prospect of going back to school the following morning was looming.
However she recorded an open verdict, saying: "It could have been an accident, it could have been a cry for help, or it could have been a successful suicide, but Paul left no note and we will never know."
Jenny Sykes, who is not thought to have been close friends with Paul but who was apparently deeply moved by his death, was found hanged at her home on July 12.
Police said they did not find any evidence she had visited suicide chatrooms. An inquest into her death is expected to be heard next year.

The source -http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news

Workplace Bullying (video)